New Year's Day Doesn't Mean the Same to Me!

The Gayla Pink Apple

 

January 1, 2005

 

January 1, 2013
 

 New Year's Day!!
Doesn't mean the same to me as it once did! 

 

On New Year's Day 2005, as I stood in the shower soaping my body there "it" was.  I felt "it" and my body went numb!  "It" was a lump in my right breast.  My throat closed - my eyes hazed over - my heart stopped beating - my stomach knotted - I couldn't breathe!

 

In my mind, I knew immediately "it" was breast cancer.  How, you wonder?  I don't know how, but as I took in a huge deep breath of air and exhaled long and hard, I knew at that moment my life was about to change forever.

 

One week later the diagnosis was confirmed and the battle of myself versus "it" was in full force.  The "C" word - Cancer!  Breast Cancer!  Decisions, decisions, decisions! I had no problem making the medical decisions I felt best for me.  I didn't need weeks to ponder! But, I would need years to recover from the emotional, physical, and spiritual wreck and havoc.

 

Will I die?  What will happen to my child? Can I go head-to-head with cancer?  Can I go face-to-face with cancer?  Can I take on this "C" monster?  Complicated fears take over - can I overcome those fears?  Reach deep inside - can I pull out the me worth fighting for?

 

It came from no where - it shot through my heart - my world fell apart - my life is spinning - I'm turned upside down - I pray for survival.

 My front door - Breast Cancer Awareness Month - October

 

Days filled with sadness - nights of tears - searching for courage in spite of my fears.  My daughter was in the 9th grade - not ready to take care of herself yet.  Surely God will let my child have her Mother until she is ready to face this harsh world without me?   I used to tell her that when she was small - she'd ask what would happen to her if I died.  My reply was that God would make sure that she was taken care of, and that I believed He would not let her Mother die until she was ready to take care of herself.  No one loves my child like I do!  Will she be OK without me?  There is a love that is introduced to us with the birth of a child - it is a love never felt before.  We love our parents, siblings, friends, spouses, others - but the love for a child can't compare.  A mother's love! 

To the world you may be one person,

but to one person, you may be the world.

 

As I enter into survival mode and take on the big "C" my life is filled with - surgery (double mastectomy) - chemotherapy treatments - baldness - lifelessness - loneliness -  horrific medical side effects of chemotherapy.   Being so sick and unable to muster the strength or desire to lift your head, much less any other part of your body.  The taste of food - no matter what food - taste of medal.  The toll on you physically and mentally is almost beyond words to describe.  Only one who has walked in my shoes can truly understand my words. 
 

Surrounded by family and friends through a most difficult time, but in the bigger scheme of things, it's really up to me and my higher power.  As a friend said "it's in God's hands."  Yes, it's in His hands but I think God expects me to put my hand in it too.  So hand-in-hand we walked and talked, and found the strength and desire to endure it all, and when the battle was over we were ahead. Ready to walk the road to see if we crossed the finish line also known as the five year mark. 
 

My doctors:  My surgeon, Dr. Abraham  on the left and my oncologist, Dr. Wilder on the right! 

So, I survived surgery and treatment and now what? Where do I go from here?  OK, I've made it through the year 2005, but how do I go on from here?  I took the "C" word on head-to-head and face-to-face, so far I've survived, but how do I move forward.  It's 2006 what do I do now?  Hitting bottom many times - picking up the pieces and putting them back together again - still unsure how to move on.  Finally realizing it is one step at a time - putting one foot in front of the other - just like I had done before the "C" word entered into my world.   
 

My signature on the Survivor Wall
at the SGKomen Race Space - October 2010

 

Pray for the five year mark - which means if you make it five years without recurrence of cancer you are considered cancer free.  The five year mark is, as you can imagine, a huge day!  And, the five year count down starts at the end of your chemo or treatment - not the day of diagnosis.  So, for me that meant October 2010 and I proudly met that day and ended that day with great joy.

 

 Blair and me - October 2006 
pink in this photo are pink boxing gloves!

2006 Theme Live for Today - Fight for Tomorrow!

SGKomen Photographer took this photo in 2006!  My wig days!

Living as a survivor is not as easy as I expected.  Although I consider myself cancer free - every day, without fail, I think about cancer.  It is just as simple as that.  I rejoice and celebrate being a survivor - but I do think about cancer daily.

 

 2011 Photo by SGKomen Photographer

War Memorial Stadium, Train for the Cure
 

Education, early detection, mammograms, self exams!!!! Pretty self explanatory.  Learn, read, get them, and do it!  Learn as much as possible - educate yourself and others; get a mammogram regularly; and do your own self exam - it's not hard - it is critical!

 

One arm bracelet for each year
SGKomen Race for the Cure

I did not have breast cancer in my family and I was under the age of 50.  I did get mammograms regularly - so for me there wasn't anything I could have done differently - as far as I know, anyway.  However, women still die from breast cancer - even though treatment is much better today - so early detection is our best chance against this monster, shy of a cure!
 

 

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I am a big supporter of the Susan G Komen Foundation!  I believe in their work in fighting against breast cancer and the search for a cure.  I believe they do GOOD things! 

 



 Downtown Little Rock
Susan G Komen Race for the Cure - 40,000 plus women
 



The Arkansas Affiliate of Susan G. Komen for the Cure has held 18 Komen Races for the Cure in downtown Little Rock and has distributed more than $11 million throughout the state, funding grants and educational programs which have provided support and information to thousands of Arkansas women and their families. 

 

 2009 - My sister and me

Breast cancer is the most prevalent cancer in the world today, with about 1.3 million people diagnosed annually. The exact cause of the disease is unknown, and at this time, there is no cure.

 

2011 October

SGKomen Race for the Cure

Little Rock

Every year I walk or run the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure to honor and remember all those women that lost their life and celebrate all survivors including myself. 

 

September 9, 2012

Greater New York, Central Park,

SGKomen Race for the Cure

It was with great pride to participate this past year (2012) in the Greater New York Susan G Komen Race for the Cure in Central Park, New York City with my daughter! 

 

 

My pink reader glasses
Wear them each year during

Breast Cancer Awareness Month - October
 

Time has shown me the power of my strength. I walk the winding road tall and strong, standing face to face with myself,  I thank the Lord I am no one else.

Proud to wear pink,

Gayla