~~The Gayla Pink Apple~~
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month
Ladies, do monthly self exams and get a mammogram!!!
He entered the plane - his eyes darted throughout the cabin, and landed on me. "Is this seat taken?" I shook my head no, followed by a smile as if to say, go ahead and have a seat.
He was dressed very well. Expensive suit that looked tailor made - definitely not a suit picked off a rack. Obviously a businessman. I'm not one to make small talk sitting next to someone on an airplane. Frankly, just not interested in chatting - often the conversation is too loud - voices carry forcing others, close by, to hear the conversation, too. I don't like that!
But, this man was going to talk. I'm thinking ... great, a salesman. He is going to talk non-stop. He appears very successful - so I think he is going to be one of those guys that likes to hear himself talk and brag. I can just see it coming -- how successful he is - all his travels, etc. In my head, I am already rolling my eyes and wishing I could block my ears; force my heart and personality to be rude. But, not happening!
The opposite happens! Well, almost the opposite. He does talk a lot. But, the conversation was lovely. . . welcomed and we had a most enjoyable chat.
He finished his work in NYC early and was booked home to Charlotte, NC, on a later flight, which meant a three hour wait in the airport. He normally flew first class, he said (yeah, sure;) because the company paid for it. Oh, well, of course! That figures! Spending someone else's money and you fly first class. You have to pay for it yourself, and you travel coach! That tells me the truth about ya! Hmmm, I am not impressed! Probably works for a non-profit - spending your donors money.
I am reminded of my own experience working for a large non-profit and the President / CEO traveled first class. I thought it was horrible to spend donors money flying first class, yet, pleading with the public for donations to run the organization. I am not against CEO's flying first class, but I do think it should be a for profit business; not a not-for-profit charity. Back to my story - sorry to get off track for a moment.
My seat mate didn't care he wasn't in first class, he said --- he felt very lucky to be on this plane, which gets him home early and in time to see his two year old grandson, Ryan (oh! OK, that's sweet - nice man.) He didn't care if he had to sit in the back of the plane, if it got him home in time to see Ryan. (We were sitting in row 4 - pretty close to the front in the coach/economy section :-) Nothing like having a grandson! Oh boy, he was fun!
The man tells me he had a long successful career, and a few years ago sold his business, retired; and didn't like retirement, so he went back to work. He traveled with his job of 30 years - flew to Bentonville often to visit Wal-Mart (oh yeah, of course.) He couldn't adjust to being at home 24.7 - he didn't like not working. His wife raised their children, and they discovered they didn't like each other too much when they were both home 24.7. They got along great when he was traveling. She told him he needed to do something - SO, he did! He got a job and started traveling again.
He spoke highly of her - she was a wonderful wife - even though when he retired they got in each other's way. He said it like it was. They loved each other, but he needed to not be there all the time. He said he was very proud of her. She kept herself in shape. She was a runner - she had run a half marathon. The house/home was her domain - not his! She was a great mother - and now a fabulous grandmother. His children adored her and he gave her full credit for always being there for their children while he traveled and made a lot of money.
I'm thinking, WOW, you are telling me a lot about your personal life. I'm a total stranger; here we are on an airplane, and you're telling me your wife told you to go back to work and give her back her empty house. Interestingly, and to this day, I have a hard time understanding why...but, I start sharing my life. I've been married 32 years, one daughter that graduated from college in Boston last year and moved to NYC. I was traveling back to LR after visiting her in NYC. I had a career in my early years; was married nine years before my daughter was born; didn't think I wanted children; but then when she was born, I loved every minute of being her Mother. When she was two years old, I quit my job and became a stay-at-home Mom; then returned to work when she was in the ninth grade; within three months of returning to work full time was diagnosed with breast cancer and now a 8 year survivor; laid off from my job a couple years ago. Whew, here I am telling this strange man my entire life story.
We have the C conversation. What kind of cancer? he asked. How long ago? How big was the tumor? How did you find it? Did you have mastectomy? Did you have radiation and / or chemotherapy? He asked me 1001 questions. To my own surprise, I answered all his questions, sharing my thoughts and feelings about my cancer diagnosis, treatment, recovery and survival. How the first year of cancer and treatment I refer to as my survival mode. I went into survival mode and blocked all thoughts that I wouldn't survive. Trying to show my daughter that when faced with cancer you don't give up - you dig deep within yourself and fight back. The second year was my year to collapse and sort of fall apart, not knowing how to go forward, because I had been so focused on surviving. I needed to learn how to live as a survivor instead of becoming one.
I continue telling the stranger that I am not the same person today I was before breast cancer. How I look at life differently and try to live for today - I think I now know what is really important - I don't have all the answers in my life - still searching for some answers, but I see life differently today than I did before I was faced with the big C word.
What do you mean? he inquired. Well, I needed to acknowledge some critical things in my life. I don't have all the answers. I am still trying to figure parts of it out. I told him that I believe in order for me to let go of the things wrong within myself, within my body, within my being, I had to acknowledge and face some difficult thoughts, feelings, and opinions within myself. In order for me to allow my body to heal I needed to heal internally.
What is really important? he asked. Without hesitation, I replied: LOVE! There is no power greater than LOVE - Love isn't something you see with your eyes, I said. I continued... Love yourself! - Love on all levels! - And, learn to love yourself! Let others see your vulnerability and you then allow others to love you, too. You invite others to love the YOU that you love. I stopped and noticed the man was listening carefully with intent eyes focused on me as if to absorb every word.
I hear the pilot's voice telling the stewardess to prepare the cabin for descend, we will be landing momentarily in Charlotte, NC. Our plane landed, the man looked over at me and smiled... Thank you, he said - I'm Jim! I smiled back and replied, I'm Gayla!
With love,
Gayla
P.S. - this is a true story which took place on my flight from NYC to LR through Charlotte, NC, in July. I often think of this conversation and thought I'd share it with you.
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