~~The Gayla Pink Apple~~
It's January 4th and I'm just now deciding to acknowledge 2014. Why?
Because, I am not a big fan of January 1st. Here's why... You see, New Year's day musters up a pit in my stomach. I found the lump in my breast, which turned out to be malignant, and the start of my battle with breast cancer on New Year's Day 2005. Now, I try to let it pass without a lot of fuss and attention to the day . Perhaps, it's a fear that pit in my stomach might return. I even avoid taking a shower on New Year's Day - silly, I know! I found the lump in my breast as I showered and soaped my body. I guess I think if I don't shower on New Year's Day I can't find another lump - I don't have a very good explanation.
I also saw my oncologist on Thursday, January 2nd. She reminded me that my breast cancer was "TRIPLE X" and there was a higher percentage rate of recurrence in triple X breast cancers. I knew that. She continues telling me that since I've got 8 years of survival behind me now, I'm considered cancer free. I knew that, too. You would think I'd clap and jump with joy. Internally I did, but externally I broke down and couldn't hold back the tears. I tried to explain to her they were tears of joy. She says "well, I am sure they are - but, whether they are or not, you don't look good; you look tired. You need to rest and take care of yourself." Well, not exactly what I expected her to say and not really what I wanted to hear, either. But, that's my doctor and I know, without a doubt in my mind, she said it to help me, not hurt me.
I also saw my oncologist on Thursday, January 2nd. She reminded me that my breast cancer was "TRIPLE X" and there was a higher percentage rate of recurrence in triple X breast cancers. I knew that. She continues telling me that since I've got 8 years of survival behind me now, I'm considered cancer free. I knew that, too. You would think I'd clap and jump with joy. Internally I did, but externally I broke down and couldn't hold back the tears. I tried to explain to her they were tears of joy. She says "well, I am sure they are - but, whether they are or not, you don't look good; you look tired. You need to rest and take care of yourself." Well, not exactly what I expected her to say and not really what I wanted to hear, either. But, that's my doctor and I know, without a doubt in my mind, she said it to help me, not hurt me.
We talked some more - my blood work was good - she asked about my running - she asked about my daughter. We chatted about this and that. I pulled myself together - she hugged me and departed with kind, sweet, and loving words for me to take with me. All's GOOD!
I seldom make resolutions for the new year, either - never have, really. I don't think I'll start now. I do, however, have a bucket list of things I'd like to do someday. I hope to check off a few of those items in 2014. It's four days into the new year and I'm ready to be a part of it - I don't know what's in store for me - but whatever it is, I hope it's GOOD!
Wishing you good things in 2014, too!
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